I know I haven’t been blogging regularly, but I am really busy at the moment. I am thinking about giving Just Dance another shot. I love it I really do and that’s not the reason I stopped. I feel that right now there are too many things going on. Japanese class is going well, work is going well, everything is going well, and that just about sums it up. Hopefully I get into a better groove and maybe fix and update my “About” section. I am thinking about the direction of this blog/site and where I want to go with it. I also finished “Ready Player One” and a review for that book I will do sometimes this week.

Empty Box

I feel like my box is empty. That what I have done has not surmounted to anything and all the things I had done has now become inane and inert. I want to do more things, but I lack the fortitude and energy to do so. I want to buy a better digital camera. The one I currently have is circa 2003. It’s really old and I want a better one, but I don’t need a $3,000 camera. I want one with the pictures sharp and clear and the zoom is great where the pictures can stay sharp and clear. Also, maybe it can have a few knick knack features. Other than that I want to get into photography as a hobby for fun. I’ve been trying to live my life passionately, but I still find myself standing still…

Fantasy and Magic!

Yesterday I went to see “The Dark Crystal” in theaters because I’ve never seen it in theaters before. I have it on DVD and I’ve seen it multiple times. But, it was even more fascinating to watch it on the big screen. It’s pumped up my passion for fantasy creatures and magic. Today I sketched a wolf fairy. I want to do some fan art as well from the movie, but I don’t know if I can pull it off. If I try and it totally like really sucks then I really will get discouraged again in my art. But, I want to try anyway and take that risk. If you’ve never seen The Dark Crystal you should check it out. It’s one of Jim Henson’s finest films right next to my other favorite… “Labyrinth”. ^^;

Saturday’s Run…

I ran a bit too hard trying to keep up with my running partner two days ago and my legs are still somewhat sore. I want to do Just Dance 2017, but I think I will wait for tomorrow. I’m starting to get a handle on organizing things and time management. I just finished my homework for my college class. Now I have to study all the Japanese adjectives before Wednesday because we are going to be quizzed on them. Tonight’s dinner is veggie hot dogs. It’s a new brand so I don’t know how they will turn out. Hopefully it will turn out wonderful and I can do away with regular hot dogs.

Because of the run on Saturday I think I also hurt my left foot on the left side of it. When runners run I think they call it a corn or something…or a bunyan? Or whatever runners get. I’ll have a doctor look at it the next time I go in. I need to spend more time in the gym. I am exercising, but I am starting to find things to get my cardio in with out the gym. Either that or things have got me really lazy to actually move to go to the gym. I will figure this out.

Testing something…

2018-02-03 10.50.37

Okay, so I now figured out how to insert pictures into my journal posts…

This is a shot I took from my hike from the beginning of the month down on the railroad trail head and that is Lake Mead. I want to travel there again and go by myself maybe one day to hike and maybe hike the whole thing. That would be nice or I can ask a few other friends to go with me. I wonder if there are any small easy training hiking trails I can go on before tackling eight miles in one go…

New Hiking Spots…

I have been contemplating new hiking spots to walk by myself. I know you’re not suppose to go on hikes by yourself and that it’s dangerous, but I would like to go on small hikes by myself or at least on hikes where I know there is a lot of traffic of people. I would never go on a big hike completely by myself no matter how much I am inspired by Cheryl Strayed’s book. I admire her for what she did and making herself come to terms with her own demons and healing herself. But, I have to admit that hiking the PCT alone was the most asinine thing to do on the planet. Things were different back then in the mid’ nineties, but still a lot of things could have happened.

I tested my blood pressure last week here and there and I have come to the conclusion that it only raises due to stress. I don’t think I need medication for it if my blood pressure only rises due to stress. Therefore, I am going to practice meditation more seriously and hope for the best. I think I should have a better sleeping schedule and get more sleep and have a better diet. I’ve been a bit depressed on and off again for the past couple of weeks. This happens every few years around Valentine’s day. I’m usually ecstatic about celebrating Single’s Awareness Day (S.A.D.) because also the acronym makes me laugh. I am going to try and think more positively to counter the blues this year.

I’ve also started shortening my time with video games and only play on the weekends. The experiment so far is that I can’t wait to play to relax and then yet I found this week was still blah…

Then I ask myself questions of if I am growing out of it, losing my patience with them, or as I try to get healthier my mind and body want to do more productive things. Maybe it’s all of the above? Maybe it’s the depression’s fault. I want things to change. Things are changing. Things have to change. Change is constant.


I wonder…

Things I wonder:

  1. Would people be interested if I wrote about book, film, or video game reviews in this blog?
  2. Do these pants make me look fat?
  3. Would I be able to keep up with book reviews?
  4. How do I import my hiking pictures to this blog?
  5. Where is Jimmy Hoffa buried?
  6. If I was more consistent in blogging would I get more followers for my blog?
  7. How do I get more followers?
  8. What am I going to have for lunch?
  9. Will I ever wear those jeans again?
  10. Why did I make this stupid list?

Stress and Health…

So I finally made two connections to two things and figured out what was going on after trying to figure out what the cause was for my dizziness. What am I talking about?

Periodically and sporadically, I would get short three minute dizzy spells and on a rarer occasion they last five minutes. I decided to get my blood pressure checked not too long after a dizzy spell yesterday and it came out to 151/87 and they said it was a little high. I then checked it this morning and it was still slightly high…I remember I think it was 131/6…something?

I think my high blood pressure is anxiety/stress induced. I’ve been stressing out a lot these past….well since January.

So now I am in “Operation: Chill out and Calm the Frak down” mode and I also am dieting really hard to get my weight down. Because high blood pressure will go away when you lose weight and on the plus side my diabetes will get better. This past week I also had not had time to exercise so that part is my fault. There should be no excuses. It was and is very scary of this new discovery. I really, really, really do NOT want another medication put on me. I’m also thinking about my father and I’m starting to be like him (health wise) and it makes me more angry than scared.

I know my mom keeps telling me not to worry so much and not to worry about everything. It’s a lot like how you can’t tell a cancer patient to stop having cancer. It doesn’t work that way. Anxiety has to be worked through. You can’t just turn it off and on by sheer will or like a light switch.

I know I have many things to work on and maybe I’ll take it really seriously this time and not pull what my dad pulled and be good for three weeks so not to be put on insulin because he’s afraid of needles and then go back to the way you were and then die anyway.

I am not my father.

I’m still alive.

….I have a lot on my mind.

A dilemma…

I need to not read ten million books at once. What I mean is I do this with everything and not just books. I do this with video games and every other project or projects I should say that I have done. Nothing gets done not because I am not productive, but because I am doing too many things at once trying to get more done. I need to focus on ONE game at a time, ONE book at a time, ONE drawing at a time, ONE writing project at a time, etc…

I do not know what’s wrong with me or why I can’t get out of this habit. I hate it when people assume I don’t love books or that I am not a reader. The truth is I am always constantly reading and I don’t mean articles on the computer, smartphone, or other device. I mean actual novels, but I read a lot of them at the same time. This is why I never finish one novel in a timely normal manner.

I wish I had the answer….

I’ve tried several times to stick to ONE thing, but then I go back to the old way.

I think I need help.


I have bartered a deal with myself and came to some conclusions. Here is what I figured out…

1. When I read more and do a little gaming my brain power raises.

2. I really, really, really do love reading.

3. I want to read all my books from my backlog and the new ones I just purchased and that I am dying to read.

4. I need my spelling mojo back so there for I at least must read more like I did when I was younger.

5. I want to become the human spell checker. ^^;


So here is what I am going to do:

I am going to read on weekdays and game on weekends. I want to tackle my backlog of books more than my video game backlog. Why? Because my video game back log is mostly RPG’s and it used to take me a month to beat one RPG game, but now that I am an adult it takes twice as long if not a little longer. Books on the other hand depending on how many pages will take me a month or less to read. This is my thinking. And by the way I can’t wait to read “Anna Dressed in Blood” because the font color printing of the words look awesome!!! It’s not in black print people!

And that is my rant for the day…